Physically, people have been telling me that I'm not changing a bit. Mentally, they've been telling me that I'm more mature than I should be. Really? Haha I don't think that I'm already mature at all, but I'm also not that kiddie. I should agree with their opinions about my appearances but I'm not feeling the same way for the latter. Instead of mature, I guess thoughtful is more appropriate? Or considerate... Since I often over-think about all stuff. Like seriously, all stuff. Even to some minor details that people might reject or forget about them easily while in my sense, it's a major problem. This over-thinking reaction somehow gets me to a panic behavior. Thus, I'm also known as a panicky. Or lebay, they often say. And people who say this are the ones who tell me that I'm too mature for my age. Ha. Seriously. A panicky is far from a mature, to be honest

Anyway, that's just some random thought. Unimportant, actually, but this thought have been running in my head since I've met some old friends recently and they keep saying those stuff and since I'm thoughtful so-- Well, yeah.

So. Move to a different subject, that in some ways, also leads me to that random thought about myself.

Since I'm a big fan of this idol group, calling themselves Big Bang, I'm practically a fangirl. Who squeals every time she sees her bias acting cute -or with Choi Seunghyun, acting manly and gentle is more accurate-, who stays up till midnight waiting for the new music videos come out. I thought I wouldn't have time to do these again since I'm so busy with all tasks and exams, but it turns out that I still have it. (Well, at least for the time being. Not sure for several years later after I already take a specific major.)

I'm becoming someone that I never though I'd ever be. Cliche, but it's true. I'd never thought that I'd becoming a fangirl of boy band. Even more, a Korean boy band. I've never liked any specific kind of musics or bands or artists before, but now I have. I know that my likings are so diverse, but I'd never imagined myself fell to this world hahah. I'd never asked any gifts in the form of ticket's concert, but the last gift I got was a Big Bang Alive Tour ticket. I'd never asked my Dad to buy a music CD, but when my Dad went to Korea this year, I straightly asked him to buy Alive CD for me. Haha I feel like it's a drastic change for me.

But hey, it doesn't mean that I'm fulfilling my happiness in fangirling way only. Of course not. In matter of fact I'm so bored lately that I'm in thirst of reading some good books. Like the serious kind of books like Dan Brown's /forever waiting his next book to be released/. Or a sweet, full of romance materials like Sophie Kinsella's or Sitta Karina's or Ilana Tan's. Or just a simple comedy genre which is mastered by Raditya Dika. I miss spending my me-time for reading all day long that I even forget to eat or even sleep. Or I should say, I miss having my me-time.

Despite my lacking of time for searching some good books, I always have time to watch TV. Because in my room at dorm, TV is my best friend. Whenever I get sick with those heavy books and note, I turn into my TV and watch everything Star World airs. (Ok specifically, Star World is my ultimate best friend). Sounds sad? That my life is fulfilled by these non-alive stuff? Hahah. Well, of course I need someone alive to please me, but who doesn't get sick, once in awhile, being around people.

Ok it's getting more random haha. But yes, actually I'm currently in such... indescribable mood tonight. After reading a super sweet, flawless fanfiction, and watching Greek season 2, I suddenly have this melancholy feelings hahah. About this and that, about stuff... But the highlight is the episode of Greek season 2 I watched tonight. I mean, the end of this episode is just so sweet I can only squeal on the couch. 

So the point is, there is this character on Greek named Max Tyler. He is incredibly genius, he's worked for NASA, he's so loyal to his girlfriend and he'd do anything, like ANYTHING, for his girlfriend. He's like everything that every girls and every parents want. He's like a complete package that is ready to be delivered and every girl's door are always open for it. He's a fictional character that is so rare to be found in alive state on Earth right now and I just can dream of having someone like him. I want to have someone like Max in my life. But then, I thought, maybe the feelings of wanting Max is just another lame denial of my heart that deep down I might love someone -not too long time ago, but I'm sorry for myself that I keep finding the flaws on him. And the perfection of Max Tyler just adds another lame reasons to my lame reasons list of why I shouldn't fall for this guy. Oh yes this is a confession, guys. But, never mind.

Hahah well, that part of 'wanting Max Tyler in my life' is not completely true. I mean come on I'm not that delusional. BUT if there is any guy wandering around and he just behaved like Max Tyler then it's a bless. For me. :p

And yeah, this thought about Max, about him, somehow leads me to recall the memories from the past, the feelings I used to have towards somebody else, which leads me to another thing which is unrelated to this feelings, which I've written above lol. What a pointless post you've written here, Rizk. But at least, I confessed. (Yes true I've been itching to straightly tell it lol!)

Here, have some Max Tyler in your dream.

Because everything won't be so easy, as easy as it seems. 

Practically, being a college student means living on my own. Transition from teenager to adult. If I'm sick, I'm sick alone. Hungry? My own problem since no one is there to cook me food. Rain season is suddenly becoming my first world's problem. Walking, running under the rain is unavoidable, and shiver comes later. (Not to mention, the time taken to dry my clothes is getting longer. Please.)

Meanwhile, academically, deadline is becoming the worst nightmare. Or should I say, real-life nightmare, since I don't just dream about it. The last week of college has been pretty hectic for us, with all final tasks deadlines and exams came consecutively. I relied on my power of kepepet. This is not so me, to be honest. Now I'm like, oh okay whatever with the results as long as it's finished on time, and I used to be more... perfectionist. The lectures are becoming harder, harder, and harder. I was struggling for a while to adjust with this fast pace of learning in class. When I'm already getting used to it, then I feel like my life is 80% of studying, studying, and studying.

 

It may sounds like I'm complaining, complaining, complaining. But no. I'm so grateful that I'm getting what I've really wanted so bad. Alhamdulillah.  It's just me ranting about how different my life is in college. How difficult it was for me, at first, to be around genius people all day. I've been telling it multiple time, but yeah, I miss the old time. As busy as I was, as bad as my grades were, I've never felt such a big pressure like I sometime feel recently. I miss high school so much. I miss wasting my time in inter lounge, watching random horror movies or Running Man in class, chatting with my teachers, jumping to someone's car and get away from school to TA or CP. Oh, exciting time.

But that is life... right? I am aging, so everything also changes. I'm growing up, so everything also seems becoming more serious to me. Somehow, I feel like another factor why I miss the old time so much is the fact that now I can't joke around as free as I used to do. No more irresponsible me. No more stupid dramas between me and people. This is unavoidable condition that I must go through.. no matter how difficult it is.

Oh, college life. In a speed of light, I'd becoming a career woman, then a wife, then a mother, though. (AMIN)

Oh, time.

Because I go to an institute in Bandung, practically I live in Bandung right now. But this term I often go back to Jakarta for some reasons hahah. Homesick, studying with Dad, attending Big Bang concert... and another reasons haha. I like living in Bandung, but somehow I still feel the differences between studying at kosan and at home. Mainly it's due to the loneliness I feel at kosan hahah. By loneliness I mean compared to the situation at home. Since my little brother and Mom are sooo chitty chatty it feels so quite at kosan hoho. And the food. Seriously, nothing beats the home-cooked food. 

I'm a regular customer of Citi Trans. I always go back and forth Jakarta-Bandung by Citi Trans. The cars are good, on-time, easy to book seats. It's one of the most believable travel I think. But unfortunately today I'm a bit disappointed... It's no one's faults actually. But I just don't expect a Citi Trans car mogok in the freeway hahah. Yes, the car I took today mogok, in Cikarang freeway (after the gate). We went off from Dipati Ukur at eight, and the car stopped at Cikarang at ten. It looked like the driver was unprepared to that condition, I guess he was.. confused? 

One of the passenger called Citi Trans customer service and they told us that we could take another CT cars that passed by. So yeah after waiting for around 20 minutes I and another two passenger took another CT car. But not to Central Park (our destination), it's a car to Kelapa Gading pool (so far from CP omg). And then we're told that we should take a cab from Kelapa Gading. At first I didn't really get what does it mean. I mean please. The car stopped and we took another car and they expected us to take a cab by ourselves?! But it turned out that yes, we took a cab, but they're paying for us. So the three of us took a cab from Kelapa Gading to CP and it took around one hour (oh please Jakarta as much as I love you I strongly dislike the traffic jam). And it costed IDR 99000 wow expensive o_o The CT officer at Central Park pool also got a little bit shocked after seeing the price that they had to pay for lol hahah.

So this morning, I expected to arrive at eleven but it turned out that I finally got home at one. The longest trip from Bandung to Jakarta. Ever. Five hours omg! Fortunately I don't have anything special today so it's quite 'okay' for me to waste two hours today on the road. But another passenger, a lady, apparently had an important schedule today starting at eleven.. She's rushing right after we arrived in CP. 

It's no one to blame for this. Alhamdulillah it's only mogok, not an accident or something. And the response was pretty quick (I mean, we didn't have to wait for, like, an hour). But the irony is, Citi Trans has increased the price since today, and what I got? Mogok. (And pillows for each seats actually). Hoho I know it's obviously unplanned but Citi Trans, please improve. I wish this won't happen again in the future. As a nomaden living in Slipi-Cisitu I'm dependent to this travel kkk.

Good night!

Yes, that's a line from Maroon 5's Payphone. Although I'm so into Kpop right now, I'm still enjoying Maroon's 5 latest album Overexposed. I reeeeaaaally like Payphone, I'm jamming to it all day but too bad I don't really like the rap parts.

Anyway, I'm having some... issues right now. About this and that. I cannot tell precisely what kind of problems that I'm having. Old story, actually, more like just another episode of it. Truthfully this thing really ruined my holiday mood. I don't want it and I'm tired, and I don't know how to fix it back or what should I do to end this. Forever.

But let's move on!

One more thing before I end this random (and pointless? Lol I'm bored!) post, I want to share these pictures of 2NE1 for 1st Look magazine! I just found these on their Facebook. And they look gorgeous as usual! My fierce queens are fierce!

Also check out their editorial photos for W Korea Magazine in Cannes, France!