Melancholy

Physically, people have been telling me that I'm not changing a bit. Mentally, they've been telling me that I'm more mature than I should be. Really? Haha I don't think that I'm already mature at all, but I'm also not that kiddie. I should agree with their opinions about my appearances but I'm not feeling the same way for the latter. Instead of mature, I guess thoughtful is more appropriate? Or considerate... Since I often over-think about all stuff. Like seriously, all stuff. Even to some minor details that people might reject or forget about them easily while in my sense, it's a major problem. This over-thinking reaction somehow gets me to a panic behavior. Thus, I'm also known as a panicky. Or lebay, they often say. And people who say this are the ones who tell me that I'm too mature for my age. Ha. Seriously. A panicky is far from a mature, to be honest

Anyway, that's just some random thought. Unimportant, actually, but this thought have been running in my head since I've met some old friends recently and they keep saying those stuff and since I'm thoughtful so-- Well, yeah.

So. Move to a different subject, that in some ways, also leads me to that random thought about myself.

Since I'm a big fan of this idol group, calling themselves Big Bang, I'm practically a fangirl. Who squeals every time she sees her bias acting cute -or with Choi Seunghyun, acting manly and gentle is more accurate-, who stays up till midnight waiting for the new music videos come out. I thought I wouldn't have time to do these again since I'm so busy with all tasks and exams, but it turns out that I still have it. (Well, at least for the time being. Not sure for several years later after I already take a specific major.)

I'm becoming someone that I never though I'd ever be. Cliche, but it's true. I'd never thought that I'd becoming a fangirl of boy band. Even more, a Korean boy band. I've never liked any specific kind of musics or bands or artists before, but now I have. I know that my likings are so diverse, but I'd never imagined myself fell to this world hahah. I'd never asked any gifts in the form of ticket's concert, but the last gift I got was a Big Bang Alive Tour ticket. I'd never asked my Dad to buy a music CD, but when my Dad went to Korea this year, I straightly asked him to buy Alive CD for me. Haha I feel like it's a drastic change for me.

But hey, it doesn't mean that I'm fulfilling my happiness in fangirling way only. Of course not. In matter of fact I'm so bored lately that I'm in thirst of reading some good books. Like the serious kind of books like Dan Brown's /forever waiting his next book to be released/. Or a sweet, full of romance materials like Sophie Kinsella's or Sitta Karina's or Ilana Tan's. Or just a simple comedy genre which is mastered by Raditya Dika. I miss spending my me-time for reading all day long that I even forget to eat or even sleep. Or I should say, I miss having my me-time.

Despite my lacking of time for searching some good books, I always have time to watch TV. Because in my room at dorm, TV is my best friend. Whenever I get sick with those heavy books and note, I turn into my TV and watch everything Star World airs. (Ok specifically, Star World is my ultimate best friend). Sounds sad? That my life is fulfilled by these non-alive stuff? Hahah. Well, of course I need someone alive to please me, but who doesn't get sick, once in awhile, being around people.

Ok it's getting more random haha. But yes, actually I'm currently in such... indescribable mood tonight. After reading a super sweet, flawless fanfiction, and watching Greek season 2, I suddenly have this melancholy feelings hahah. About this and that, about stuff... But the highlight is the episode of Greek season 2 I watched tonight. I mean, the end of this episode is just so sweet I can only squeal on the couch. 

So the point is, there is this character on Greek named Max Tyler. He is incredibly genius, he's worked for NASA, he's so loyal to his girlfriend and he'd do anything, like ANYTHING, for his girlfriend. He's like everything that every girls and every parents want. He's like a complete package that is ready to be delivered and every girl's door are always open for it. He's a fictional character that is so rare to be found in alive state on Earth right now and I just can dream of having someone like him. I want to have someone like Max in my life. But then, I thought, maybe the feelings of wanting Max is just another lame denial of my heart that deep down I might love someone -not too long time ago, but I'm sorry for myself that I keep finding the flaws on him. And the perfection of Max Tyler just adds another lame reasons to my lame reasons list of why I shouldn't fall for this guy. Oh yes this is a confession, guys. But, never mind.

Hahah well, that part of 'wanting Max Tyler in my life' is not completely true. I mean come on I'm not that delusional. BUT if there is any guy wandering around and he just behaved like Max Tyler then it's a bless. For me. :p

And yeah, this thought about Max, about him, somehow leads me to recall the memories from the past, the feelings I used to have towards somebody else, which leads me to another thing which is unrelated to this feelings, which I've written above lol. What a pointless post you've written here, Rizk. But at least, I confessed. (Yes true I've been itching to straightly tell it lol!)

Here, have some Max Tyler in your dream.